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gancho | September 18, 2019

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I am in love!

I am in love!


Ever since our first encounter – we were introduced by some frisky fellow, with no idea what he was about to stir… – I knew that the chills and the silly smile on my face, caused by the sound of his voice, were not evanescent. That evening – years ago – I flew home and spent the night remembering his gestures, his sound and his presence. I think, actually I know for sure, that I didn’t even realize how deeply he had impressed me.


I am still just as in love as I was back then, even if sometimes there are quarrels between us… Actually, I must admit, it’s me the one who gets upset and tends to run away, I don’t want to know him, feel him, hear him anymore… Caprices!… But I do know how lucky I am because he is very understanding and just waits for my whims to pass. He has never scolded me! And he has always accepted me back with open arms and the same warmth as the first time.

I feel like he knows me well, he figured me out from the beginning and he never conceals anything from me. He’s my most faithful and realistic mirror and he always shows my reflection without the slightest trace of malice. The fact that I take it personally and get upset… well, it happens, I should just take on to that.

Me… I sense him more than I do really know him. I discover and rediscover him with every encounter and he keeps surprising me, he delights and heals me with every story lived together. I recognize him not only in what he is, but mostly in what I am… I fail to find him any fault! Ah, yes, he does have a serious one: he triggered the addiction in me. And even when I try to be determined and say: Enough! I’m leaving! Or I take a break at least because I’m out of strength!… Even then I know, deep inside, that I’ll never be able to leave him.

I’ve just been through a rebellion at the end of last year. Me, as usual, I wanted to get my things and go. He didn’t say a thing… He never does. He just hugs me… And that’s enough for me to know I won’t leave. Or if I do, I’ll be back soon and I’ll be fine. And I left – one week I survived without him… We had planed to spend New Year together, as we’ve done for some years now, and this one was supposed to be special. And he didn’t fail me this time either! He gave himself to meel tango totally and selflessly and I didn’t even have another choice but to do the same; so that this New Year’s night will remain – like many of our nights – imprinted in my skin, my soul, my whole being!


And you know what’s weird? He makes me feel good in other arms and my goblin heart sometimes ventures… to other realms. And he knows it. And I do not feel guilty. He’s just pleased that I’m happy. Because I’ll always dace him, no matter the arms I’ll be in. And my heart will always contain him, no matter on what real I’ll be!



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