When does tango end?
Looking through some old tango notes I found one from March 2014. It was about me noticing a change in my embrace. So I took the note and put some new thoughts in it.
‘Two days ago I had an interesting experience. My embrace was suddenly different. It was like never before, both physical and… metaphysical 🙂 It had a form that I wanted to experiment before, but just couldn’t. The change was involuntary, but caught my attention and I just observed it for a while’.
Thinking about all the moments in which I happened to acknowledge this kind of change I understood that everything is an ongoing process. The very moment I said ‘There! This one I got! I fully understand it, let’s move to another subject’, that’s when everything changed. And I was again at ground zero feeling that I’m taking it all from the beginning with the entire process of learning and assimilating with both mind and body. Sometimes it was really frustrating…
I understood that, in fact, nothing actually ends! Steps, the understanding of the movements – even if apparently they are the same, sentiments, the essence of the embrace… they never end. We never achieve that supreme ‘There! I’ve finally got this!’. And I find great joy in this. Because this way I can allow myself to make mistakes but then be indulgent with myself. I can accept my flows but still be happy and go on. Because everything is an ongoing process, I can allow myself to learn more and from more people in my life.
And, most importantly, each time I go back to a tango lesson, I find out that it’s not the lessons that have changed, not the steps, not the movements… but me. And I see, feel and integrate all those things differently. Things I wanted to change in me and couldn’t suddenly become accessible, flexible and they suit me. Not because I changed them somehow, but because I am different in a way that I can understand and accept them.
It’s the same in life, too. Every situation, every experience, every lesson is a process. It never ends. I will encounter them over and over again in essence. And this is also a great thing. Because in each new encounter I will be different and more prepared to integrate the new. To me the words ‘God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference’ have a new meaning. Accepting doesn’t mean giving up. It’s merely the understanding of the fact that there will come a moment when I will be ready to integrate those things that I cannot change now. It’s up to me how I go on with my life to be able to meet them in the future. And it also depends on the patience I put into letting life happen, with everything life contains – tango, people, love, me…
And sometimes there’s that illusion that a lesson actually ended when we meet with it again, but it doesn’t claim our attention and there’s no need of a new interaction simply because the change in us fits perfectly with the change that the lesson brings.
So I am grateful for the tango in my life and for the life in my tango! And for the people. And the changes. And the love. And the experiences. And…
And no, tango never ends! 🙂